I thought I would write a different kind of post this time of the year, but sometimes things don’t work out as you hoped they would. I recently shared on Instagram that I am struggling with some upsetting developments in my life. And even though I let myself feel sad, scared and low that moment I decided to turn this into a chance full of positivity and hope. It will be a part of my story and I’m the one who creates it and has the power to change it. So I’m writing this piece from a point of faith and excitement for what’s to come.
It’s actually not easy for me to open up and I was always hesitant to share more about my personal life on the blog, but I thought the time has come, so here we go…
Many of you know about my American Dream and that I was looking for a possibility to relocate since my Charleston trip last year. So I really went all in and researched all I could find about visa possibilities and applied for jobs around the east coast. If you are interested about the process and what I found out about US visas I would be happy to share that with you as well. But right now I’m jumping to February 2020 when my efforts were rewarded in the best way. I got a job offer from a wonderful company in Connecticut! It was all I hoped for! An exciting position, wonderful friendly colleagues and the company and my new domicile would be in the countryside (I definitely didn’t want to move to a big city).
Quick digression: The last years I’ve been living in Berlin, which is a very big urban city. I moved here for my job as a beachwear buyer for the most well known luxury department stores in Germany. But with the time I learned to hate the noise, hustle and bustle and huge buildings. I grew up in the countryside and I was missing nature, trees, wide views and stillness. I knew I couldn’t make a life here and needed to find my true home. That’s why my wish to move was even stronger than just a dream to be living in the US.
After I received the offer I knew it was time to start my exciting new life and quit everything here in Germany. My very good job as a buyer, my apartment, all contracts and I also sold nearly all of my furniture. In Germany the period of notice is actually three months for most things, which is crazy for Americans. That’s why my start date with the new company was June 1st and I planned to move mid May, so right now.
And then came the pandemic that truly no one could expect. What’s important for me to say is that there are people that are affected by the virus so so much worse than I am. I can’t even imagine what they are going through and my heart is with them during this hard time. I am a 100% convinced that closing of basically everything was the absolute right thing to do and that our health is much more important than anything else. This disease is dangerous and I am doing my absolute best to protect everyone around me.
As the weeks went by it became more and more obvious that this wouldn’t pass quickly and that it wouldn’t just affect our health, but also our economics and lifestyle. I already knew it in me, but of course I was sad when it was clear that my immigration and start at the new company just wasn’t possible in the near future. We have to wait and see how the worlds heals and need to reevaluate the situation in a few months again. And I actually wasn’t upset about the fact that I couldn’t move at all, but more about the uncertainty that was now facing me. I didn’t expect to be without a stable job and fixed income living with my family when I started all of this. Fortunately I’m quite well-placed with my finances, but my type-A safety loving personality is obviously still worried.
So this happened and I also received some more struggles laid in my way day after day and truly thought I couldn’t take more. After I said goodbye to my old colleagues and apartment and realized all of this actually happens I was done. Before that I was so busy with selling my stuff, organizing my move and doing the last work stuff that I couldn’t even really process all of this. So I crushed and took a few days off to rest and let my thoughts wander. What do I really think about all of this? What do I want to do now? Everything’s open! Maybe this is all meant to be (of course not the virus, but the open situation)!
In the end this will be such a small part of my story and maybe even the one that changes it to an unexpected but amazing direction. I always worked hard and fast to reach my next stage and all along wished for a quiet time to reflect and truly listen. This is it – it’s happening now. I know not many people have the possibility to lean in such a situation. It’s a luxury I want to give myself now. That doesn’t mean I will be sitting on my but to see what comes, but I’ll be actively trying to find new paths. I won’t give up on my dream to move to the US and I’m convinced that the world is going to open up again in a few months. It can still happen and as long as this dream is so big I’ll find a way. I already broke up everything here and it wouldn’t be the right thing to row back now and built something up again when I know my future is somewhere else.
As I wrote in this post a few weeks ago I wholeheartedly believe in stillness and that it embraces realness and brings possibilities to light that you didn’t even thought of. I see this as such a huge opportunity to listen, reflect and evaluate what I truly wish my life to be. Next to that I can also use this time and not make it about me, but help others with their dreams, like my sister with her new business. It’s a present to spend some extra special time with my family and friends here before embarking on my big adventure. It’s also the possibility to make new connections and try new experiences. And finally this is the chance to eventually concentrate on my blog – something I always wished to do. I will work hard to create inspiring content and build out my little site to the dreamy place I always had in my head, but never had the time to pursue.
All of this makes me so excited for the next months and I truly think it’s going to be the base for something even bigger. If you read to this point, thank you for reading all of this and for listening to my story. Your support means a lot and I hope to encourage all of you who are in a similar situation as I am, which I believe are many right now, to see the positive, be proactive and kind to yourself. Lots of people only share their struggle after they already overcame it and somewhat arrived. Maybe it’s good to hear from someone who is still in the thick of it, but determined to find out what lies ahead.